The Christian Metal Realm is a community made up largely of Christians who also happen to love heavy metal! You do not have to be a Christian to join, but you MUST be respectful.
HomeHome  ­FAQFAQ  ­SearchSearch  ­RegisterRegister  ­MemberlistMemberlist  ­UsergroupsUsergroups  ­Log inLog in  
Post new topic   Reply to topicShare | 
 

 How to lose weight

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
shadow_zone



Number of posts: 502
Age: 23
Registration date: 2008-12-03

PostSubject: How to lose weight   Tue Oct 27, 2009 3:23 am

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely, " he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine." He lost 33 kilos that week.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/bigmick_86
GODSWIZARD
Play it LOUD!!


Number of posts: 17975
Age: 52
Registration date: 2007-01-06

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Tue Oct 27, 2009 3:26 am





That was hilarious dude.






_________________
"The 'farce' is strong with Sith Lord Obama-Wan." words of Scourge.

"Uh....You can believe me....Uh....because I never lie, and....Uh....Uh....I am always right." words of Sith Lord Obama-Wan.

Daddy likes it all, the DraíodóirDé likes it all
Back to top Go down
View user profile
tohostudios



Number of posts: 4415
Registration date: 2007-04-07

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:02 am


_________________
"The banner of loud and rebellious music will never die. It just gets older." - GODSWIZARD
Back to top Go down
View user profile
angelofdarkness



Number of posts: 557
Age: 32
Registration date: 2009-05-14

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:53 am

Brilliant....absolutely BRILLIANT! I'd be running like hell!

_________________
A Wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins, nor is early, he arrives precisely when he means to
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/philosopherofarcanewisdom
arttieTHE1manparty
The Strongest Man In The World


Number of posts: 8727
Age: 39
Registration date: 2006-12-27

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:22 am

LOL!



Arttie

_________________
Constitutional separation of church and state is a lie; it is a figment of the secular-progressive's imagination.

"If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under."--Ronald Reagan

"Today, our nation saw evil, the very worst of human nature, and we responded with the best of America."--George W. Bush, Sept. 11, 2001
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.christianmetalrealm.com
Tall Tyrion



Number of posts: 10208
Age: 41
Registration date: 2007-01-28

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:30 am

Proven results!

_________________
“If you make less than $250,000 your taxes will not go up. Not one dime.” BH Obama

''Let me be clear: There is no military solution in Iraq and there never was. The best way to protect our security and to pressure Iraq's leaders to resolve their civil war is to immediately begin to remove our combat troops. Not in six months or one year -- now,'' Candidate Obama in 2007

Back to top Go down
View user profile
texanvfg



Number of posts: 302
Age: 40
Registration date: 2009-07-04

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:56 am


_________________
Forever stronger than all....through Him!

"Lousy karmic retribution!" H.J. Simpson

"PELVIC THRUSTS OF DESTRUCTION rocks!" GODSWIZARD

Gun powder and duct tape - that don't sound like science - that sounds like a family reunion!

*This Space for Rent!*

When in doubt....C4!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Black Rider
Man in Morph


Number of posts: 14621
Age: 41
Registration date: 2007-04-09

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:26 am

Wow, just.......wow.

_________________
I don't have time for all if it, so I pick my battles. I concentrate on spotting and weeding out satanic paper, handkerchiefs (do you really want Satan that close to your nose?) and eggs. I can spot satanic eggs at Wal Mart like a frickin' drug sniffing dog.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
shadow_zone



Number of posts: 502
Age: 23
Registration date: 2008-12-03

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:28 am

Got that one off a dude called Jeff Anderson aka the muscle nerd. Comes up with some interesting workout ideas.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/bigmick_86
Master's Apprentice



Number of posts: 829
Age: 37
Registration date: 2009-02-20

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:57 am


_________________
"We all like what we like; no condemnation here just because our likes might have some differences" - tohostudios
Back to top Go down
View user profile Online
endlessfuneral2003



Number of posts: 1480
Registration date: 2007-01-01

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:46 am

HAHAHAHAHA

_________________
As I breathe anew You are my precious vitality
As I breathe again You are my everlasting source


ENDLESS FUNERAL - A Second Beginning


CD available at http://www.unforsaken.ca/UPOS/main.html
MP3's available at www.soundclick.com/endlessfuneral
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.soundclick.com/endlessfuneral
preacherman777



Number of posts: 161
Age: 40
Registration date: 2007-05-04

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:17 am

This is actually an old joke. I remember seeing it played on a show on HBO or Showtime back when I was like 12 or 13, (so almost 30 years ago) but there were a couple differences. For one thing the sign read "If you can catch me you can f*** me" and in the end, rather than a huge muscular guy standing there, it was a huge gorilla with a sign that read "If I catch you, I f*** you."

But it's nice to know that there's a cleaned up version out there.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.thetifftproject.com
Musclecar1975



Number of posts: 541
Age: 39
Registration date: 2009-06-15

PostSubject: Re: How to lose weight   Thu Oct 29, 2009 5:38 pm

shadow_zone wrote:
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely, " he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine." He lost 33 kilos that week.




That was so freakin' funny!!!

_________________
....it was needful for me to write to you, and exhort you that you should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered to the saints. Jude 1:3

http://www.persecution.org/suffering/index.php

http://www.letusreason.org/

www.raptureready.com

"There are only 27,000 other CDs to get." --- GODSWIZARD
Back to top Go down
View user profile
 

How to lose weight

View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions of this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The Christian Metal Realm :: Christian Metal Realm :: The Discussion Chamber-
Post new topic   Reply to topic