Got My Fighting Spirit Back

Equus Albus · Number of posts: 101 Age: 20 Registration date: 2009-07-20

This is going to be a long winded post about my life, but I feel I need to throw some praise into the open.

Highschool took too long, and was too easy and boring. I did track, some part-time jobs, and listened to a lot of heavy metal. I did my own thing with the half dozen other metal heads I found. I thought I had had a normal highschool experience, although as it turns out, I was considered quite the loser.

I started paying attention to what the Lord wanted from me two years ago when I arrived at Basic Training for the CF.

I was six feet tall, and a whooping 160 lbs. Lugging my kit was almost a death sentence. I had a rough go for the pushups on the PT test (blew away the run- yay highschool track team). It wasn't long until this led to an injury, and a few month stay on the Personal Awaiting Training Platoon (PAT).

This time had several up sides. One of which was that there were people with a lot more experience than me there. When my training resumed I rocked the house, although I had dropped down to 155 pounds (at this time mostly skin and some gristle) I was able to pack kit properly, shine boots and clean weapons to a high standard.

I picked up a bible from the chapel, and blasted through quite a bit of it. I prayed and read the bible a lot, it was awesome. A buddy took me out to buy a collection of CS Lewis books. It was great time.

Eventually I got back to training, graduated at 160 lbs, had awesome scores (PT, shooting, class, field), and outperformed what anybody would expect from some punk lightweight. I was one of the few recruits that had drinks purchased for them from my staff on grad day. And I knew that it was all thanks to the Lord.

After BMQ is when some people fall into old habits. For myself this was becoming complacent in my worship. Only a few of my buddies were at the same base as I was, and it was a bad time. I had experienced the best parts of life and career, and now I was in a bad situation.

Eventually my next set of training started, and I ended up taking a few train rides to my hometown to see the highschool sweatheart at her University. It was a pretty good time, I was in love, enjoying my training. I was sent out to spend some time getting a course at a civilian college. I figured that I had it made.

On my home visits, I did notice the tone, some of the disdain, and some of the disrespect I was treated to in that crappy town- some of it because I was part of the evvvvvillllll military, some of it because I was me. Still can't understand it, but I didn't really care- I'm not sitting around smoking Pot and on welfare- I've made something of myself.

There were a few times where someone would hit on my girl when we were on her campus, and I was tempted to CQC some folks. She stopped me the first time, and after that I kept the urge under control. Her Uni friends would flirt with me, and I'd ignore them- I wasn't about to cheat on her. Thankfully her non-uni friends didn't like me because they were shitpumps in highschool. I got along awesomely with her whole family, it was good times.

When I got out west I thought, 'I'll finish this, get to my next base, get married, do Afganistan, come back, have a family, enjoy the best career in the world.'

I was doing great in college, I had great marks, I began meeting some friendly folks. I wasn't really defending my faith very much, or effectively, but it had been that way since last November or so.

It was a few months after I had arrived out here, it started to become a chore to talk to my girlfriend, she was always busy or out with friends. I was going to fly home for a long weekend just to see her, and she was refusing to book time off work.

My friends who had for months been telling me to dump her, and stop being kicked around, got louder, but I didn't listen- it would work out...

About a month after it became hard to get in contact with her, we had the big conversation. I got pwned. Her 'friends' 'told' her to. She didn't know who she was. She didn't know who I was, despite the time we spent together in Highschool and after... and a long list of other excuses.

At times she would say the occasional anti-military, or just stupid thing, and I'd gently correct her. Universities brainwash people afterall. I got a nice blast of it on the phone after she gave her excuses.

I'm just a killer afterall. Nevermind the fact that I'm the guy who sews together the pieces after the fight. I'm evvvvvillllllll.

That was two or three months ago. The first few weeks had been a rough go, my marks dropped, and are only now recovering, and for the first time in a long time I had to rely on other people's help. I still worked out every weekday (gained 20 pounds since basic), but I was crushed.

I really thought that it'd work out. I wanted to fly home, find a certain dishonourable University punk, get a pool stick, and put some of my drills into effect. I don't flirt with girls who are already taken. I kind of expect others to keep their hands off too.

In the last month, my faith in civilians has returned, 99.9% of them are awesome people. Not all, or most University kids are bad- only a few. My hometown is still a bunch of bums mooching my taxes, but whatever. Read a little CS Lewis, read a little bit of the bible. My corporal dragged me to an awesome church sermon that I’m still thinking about last week...

Part of my training involves spending time working with patients at local hospitals, and at one foray into a Catholic hospital I bought a St. Jude's pendant (lost causes). I read the book of Jude this last month as well- short, relevant, and to the point. I ended up putting the pendant (still in its box) in my closet and wondered why I had bought it. I decided to mail it to a friend back in Ontario.

I did pray before an exam about a month ago. It was a crapshoot, but I made it through okay. I came home from school. I came into the room, and in the middle of my desk, was the pendant. I immediately rationized it as someone playing some form of joke on me. Someone who had somehow gotten my key... someone knew that the object was buried in a drawer under some clothes...

Whoever it was, he was good. I didn’t tell anyone I purchased a thing.

This last week had a trio of exams. Aced the heck out of two of them somehow, not perfect, but A's nonetheless. I had prayed before all of the tests. I had failed the first one by a little bit, I had gone back and changed my answers for some reason.

The final test I almost forgot to pray, it was a few minutes before it began when I realized this and ran off to find a place to pray. I wanted him to prove that he didn't carry me to the top of a tower just to throw me off and watch me splatter on the concrete below. I wanted him to help me like he used to instead of leaving me behind. I prayed that he had taken everything I had, and begged him to fill my utter emptiness. I was pretty sure I was boned.

I made a mistake partway through the test, and thought I had failed, and would be shipped home to do a hatless dance, and try to explain myself. I ended up recovering and rocking the house. I have a do or die retest coming up this week, but I've faith that I'll get through it.

I took it as a sign, but wasn't going to put much stock into it. Yesterday, I took a short break from studying. I popped open my laptop, threw on some Theocracy and just randomly clicked links mindlessly for awhile. Always bad news, but something inside me led me to believe that people aren't as bad as the news people would love. And since last November, that's definitely an alien thought.

I had a buddy in BMQ that was a Mason, and while he didn't say much, he had left a favourable impression. Sure he cried himself to sleep a few times, and once got our patrol lost in a swamp for three hours until the sun came up- but he was a good fellow.

A few minutes later I clicked a link in my favourites to a blog that I had read once or twice. It was Christian Apologetics, and I could always use help with that. Its newest post was discussing the non-Christian beliefs of the Masons and suggested the Knights of Columbus as a good charity organization, and strangely enough, they have a chapter close to my dream base. This is good.

I found a few other good things to read, and it left me pondering. A buddy stopped in to invite me to a concert.

I found myself thinking of 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I was kind of feeling a bit lighter than normal, and bit more cheerful. I was thinking about God, and silently begging forgiveness and strength.

En route, the lads started in with what has become the standard of my life Post-BMQ (in BMQ there were people who prayed before meals. I didn't end up at one of their bases sadly), and that is doing what modern culture figures is awesome, 'let’s all get the Christian kid'.

Truth be told, it's been letting up since I stopped returning fire.

I let it slide besides a few rebuttals and a smile. So we began discussing sports.

"You know who was a team player?"
"Whose that man?"
"Jesus."
"Huh?"
"He took one for the team."
They all thought I had finally cracked a joke. Then I started in with the gospels. It’s been a long time since I last did that.

In BMQ you’re taught that Fighting Spirit is the deciding factor in battles. It imparts in a soldier the moral, physical and intellectual qualities required to operate in conditions of extreme danger, to endure hardship and to approach their assigned missions with confidence, tenacity and the will to succeed.

The military can take anyone who wants to improve themselves and make them into professional soldiers. But it’s not an easy task, there is a lot of pain, sweat and woe. You will have to give up what is undesirable, and sometimes that’s hard. But eventually you reach the end of the race and you know you’re the top dog. You are the unbreakable wall that protects the civilians from the evils of the world. You’re rough, and you get the job done.

The Lord has healed me, and brought me back to the fight. I know that He has plans for me, and all of that pain was just the feeling of the rust being scrapped off of the sword.

**Black Rider** · Subject: Re: Got My Fighting Spirit Back Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:47 am

Good for you. At 20 I was angry, stoned and not sure I wanted to live to be 30. Sometimes the still, small, voice has to kick you in the head a few times to get your attention. Being a christian isn't easy, it's not supposed to be and it sounds like you are learning that. Stay the course and plugged into the One who sacrificed all for us.

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I don't have time for all if it, so I pick my battles. I concentrate on spotting and weeding out satanic paper, handkerchiefs (do you really want Satan that close to your nose?) and eggs. I can spot satanic eggs at Wal Mart like a frickin' drug sniffing dog.

Equus Albus · Number of posts: 101 Age: 20 Registration date: 2009-07-20

Thanks BR

Christ carried me through the exam, and I was even asked to pray for everyone testing that day

Everyone rocked the school

Master's Apprentice · Number of posts: 828 Age: 37 Registration date: 2009-02-20

Yeah, that's excellent mate!
My thoughts pretty much mirror Black Rider's.
Good on you for getting it together and keeping focused at a (relatively) young age

.
Thanks for your honest insight man.

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"We all like what we like; no condemnation here just because our likes might have some differences" - tohostudios