I know I have never specifically addressed by own personal spiritual
leanings for quite some years now ... (I've been posting on these
boards for about 5 years now, I think?). As some of you may have
noticed, I have been more open in recent times concerning spiritual
issues and talking about religion. Basically with this post I just
wanted to elaborate on what I've been hinting at in some of my posts
around here.

I will explain some of my history. Basically, in my senior year of high
school, which was about four years ago now, I became very confused
about Christianity and decided to "take a break" for a while or leave
the faith of Christianity. It was related to an "unraveling" experience
like the type of thing that's been discussed in Zze's thread. Almost to
a tee, but with a completely different scriptural issue. I chose to
abandon my Christian faith. For about 6 months before that, I'd been
stumbling along faith-wise, exploring alternative facets of
spirituality through new age, satanic, and other sources, and finally
decided to cut the cord completely around Christmas-time 2003. I did
not latch on to any of those other spiritualities, however. I was just
*nothing* for all this time.

Looking back, I am starting to realize that this was rooted in two
things. First, it was an attempt to over-rationalize faith. I was at a
state where it just didn't make sense to me, and so I chose to go
exploring. Second, I'd just come out of a VERY bad experience with a
local church here in Phoenix, where I was basically put down and
insulted for my music choices, told I was satanic for asking questions
... that kind of thing. Basically they did everything they could to get
me to leave short of actually asking me to leave ... and I was at a
very angry spot at that point because I'd dedicated a lot of time and
energy to that group.

Now, in my life, I have spent the last 6-8 months attempting to move
out of a very depressed and carnal existence that I have been living
for these 4 years... and I am really battling some things. But I'm
starting to feel like coming back to religion, specifically
Christianity is necessary and called for in my life right now. I am not
yet sure what the outcome of this "feeling" will be ... if I will
return officially. Of course if I did decide to return to faith, it
would need to happen in a completely anti-fundamentalist, no-B.S.
environment. There are few things I HATE more than the blind leading
the blind, so to speak. I want to return to some form of Christianity
that I feel comfortable with ... without all the manipulativeness,
destructiveness, holier-than, "scare the pants off of you, make you
feel bad then convert you" type of evangelical pushy nonsense. Sorry to
rant but I hate that garbage.

Anyways, the first thing I did was recently decide to begin praying
again. I have started to respond to prayer requests here and there, as
well as pray for my own issues, despite the fact that I am not
currently a Christian, I have decided that since I believe in God, I
might as well believe in the power of prayer again. I hope that over
time, this belief will stem into something more developed. Where will I
go? I cannot say. But I am choosing to feel hopeful about it. And
wherever I go, I accept now that it must be faith-based, and I must
accept the unnacceptable in terms of logic and rational thinking. This
is basically the point of Christianity IMO.

OK, so now that I've rambled for this long, I hope this begins to
create a picture of what's going on with me for you guys. I appreciate
the support and prayers more than you can imagine, because as I said, I
am going through some difficult things right now. Sometimes I feel like
my life is a total disaster ... but I know I will get through it.

As I stated in the previous post I made on this topic, I will continue
to update the members here on what's going on with me, and become more
specific over time with the things I am dealing with. For now, I've got
to go have dinner

Thanks for reading, everyone!

Points:

1. His screenname was *Hewhoeventuallywillbecome D & G*.

2. You said:

Quote:

local church here in Phoenix, where I was basically put down and insulted for my music choices, told I was satanic for asking questions

That makes me angry and sad for you.

3. Thanks for sharing that D & G.

4. If you want to talk drop me a PM.

_________________
"The 'farce' is strong with Sith Lord Obama-Wan." words of Scourge.

"Uh....You can believe me....Uh....because I never lie, and....Uh....Uh....I am always right." words of Sith Lord Obama-Wan.

Daddy likes it all, the DraíodóirDé likes it all

D&G,

Thanks for telling your story. It's really amazing to see how much people can have in common in their spiritual journeys. There is so much in what you said that parallels exactly my own experience. I'm a little older than you (in my 30's), but when I was in my teen/college years I dealt with the very same issues that you mentioned.

I had exactly the same issues. Growing up, my family went to a church where you didn't ask questions about faith matters. To do so was considered a sign that you were probably "falling away" from the faith. So I was in a dilemma: I had all these questions, but couldn't ask anyone. Horrible... So I did the same thing you did for awhile, just sort of drifted in a sea of not really knowing what I believed. That's cool, though, because it gives someone a chance to have their faith become more mature and something that is truly their own rather than a thing they believe/do simply because that's what they've always believed/done at church or in their spiritual walk.

I'm not the preaching type, but I would just encourage you to keep exploring.

As you mentioned, it's important that if you do decide to return to a church that it be a healthy environment for someone in your position. Legalistic atmosphere? Bad... A place that discourages questions about faith? Bad... You know what I'm saying.

I've been involved in some programs at churches I've attended where we just sit around and talk about these kind of issues. Questions people have, doubts, stuff like that where there was really nothing that was out of bounds in terms of questions people could raise about Christianity. That sort of thing can be helpful for some people.

Anyways... It's cool to hear that you're searching. Keep us updated and don't hesitate to ask those questions, to me or to anyone else.

IMO - 'religion' isn't what you need. It's Jesus. Religion is what the pharisees & sadducess were offering. . .

I'm sorry you had such a rough go of it - too many folks with too much power, and I've seen it . . . and lived through it also.

Glad to see you are earnestly pursuing. . .that will not return empty. Stay grounded in the Word, pray & the rest, well, its just details.

Know that you have our support & our prayers....

In high school my dad was becoming an alcholic. I was angry, the church wasn't helping so I would batter the high school youth group leaders with all the unanswerables and then use that to justify my bad behavior. So by the age of 21 I was immersed in drugs/drink so much I can't remember those years real well.
Finally, at about 24, I met a friend who let me ask the questions and not condemn me. He helped me realize I don't have to have all the answers and God is not threatened by my questions. My job now is at a youth ranch with troubled teens and we sit around a lot and explore those questions and my faith grows because of it.
All this to say, many of us have been there and are stronger because of it. Who know what kind of leader you may be in a few years because of the things you've learned.



















Your'e still a wanker.

Points:

1. Etomb said:

Quote:

He helped me realize I don't have to have all the answers and God is not threatened by my questions

Extremely well said and I agree.

2. Etomb's post in general is great.

3. Etomb said:

Quote:

All this to say, many of us have been there and are stronger because of it. Who know what kind of leader you may be in a few years because of the things you've learned.

Both sentences apply very, very much to me as well.

4. He is correct. You are still a wanker.

5. BTW I don't know how well you recall this.......but when you were on the *old CMR* as LordTse (I called you that) we did *trade posts* and such.

_________________
"The 'farce' is strong with Sith Lord Obama-Wan." words of Scourge.

"Uh....You can believe me....Uh....because I never lie, and....Uh....Uh....I am always right." words of Sith Lord Obama-Wan.

Daddy likes it all, the DraíodóirDé likes it all

Thanks for the support guys. I appreciate all of your posts. I actually
am about to go to work right now, so I don't have time to specifically
answer all of you, I apologize for that.

I may have given the wrong impression -- this thread was intended to
give some background on how I got to where I'm at now ... why I gave up
Christianity and one of the reasons I became so calloused and angry
these past few years. It is not by any means the whole story. What I
wrote above ^^ was the beginning of this whole ordeal that I'm into
now.

The fact that that happened with a certain church ... it's one of the
things I am wary of now and am looking to avoid in the future. That
experience taught me about things I'd heard about but never been hit
with until then. And it severely pissed me off (as one can imagine).
That and a few other factors sent me into "spiral mode" these past few
years and that, along with some long-standing personal issues, is what
I am dealing with right now.

More on that later For now I need to get to work! Thanks so much guys, it is great to get these positive responses like this!

"IMO - 'religion' isn't what you need. It's Jesus"

Amen to that, brother. That's what I found out after many years without Jesus.

Jesus is IT. His Words. His Example. His Love. All else is baggage...

Be VERY careful of the type of church you decide to attend should you return to the faith. 90% of all church leaders are liars and charlatans. If allowed, organized religion will absolutely devour and destroy a mans soul. If you ever feel the need to chat drop me an email or message me through my MySpace site. I have been down similar roads.

I know I don't post here much, but I can totally relate to you. I renounced Christianity about 6 months ago after being in the faith for roughly 10 years. I consider myself an atheist now, but I can say if I ever came back to religion, Christianity in particular, I would be the most liberal Christian on Earth.

ES said:

Quote:

90% of all church leaders are liars and charlatans

Yeah.....

Right.....

O.K......

Whatever.

_________________
"The 'farce' is strong with Sith Lord Obama-Wan." words of Scourge.

"Uh....You can believe me....Uh....because I never lie, and....Uh....Uh....I am always right." words of Sith Lord Obama-Wan.

Daddy likes it all, the DraíodóirDé likes it all

D&G, thanks for sharing your story. It takes a lot to bear your soul like that.

I pray that God will help you find your way into Him. A good local church is nice, but it's more important to be caught by the God who is pursuing us. Just begin to seek Him and you will discover that the Living God is closer than you could have ever imagined!